Dear Islamofascists:

You know who you are, and so do I. Let me introduce myself. I’m Uncle Sam, otherwise known in your circles as the Great Satan.

You will no doubt be surprised to learn I’ve been used to frustrate Satan many times.

I’m writing in the interests of fairness. When the other shoe drops, I don’t want you to say you were never warned.

For many years now you have called for the complete destruction of America and Israel and our respective ways of life. You see, I take this personally, because I’m deeply in love with America, and Israel.

For all her faults America has always provided people with the best hope of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and not only a hope, but a reality.

You should understand clear lessons from history as you plot our demise. It is my hope these lessons will encourage you to invest your time and energy in building your own healthy societies rather than foaming at the mouth over the perceived deficiencies on our side of the pond.

Early on, when we were only a few, living in a wilderness surrounded by lethal dangers, we built a nation by hand. King George wanted to take it away from us. He commanded the world’s super military power at the time. We handed him his cucumber sandwich on a platter, then slapped him silly, and ran him out of town.

It cost us a lot, in blood and money, but for us, the cost of liberty and justice is never too high.

The British came back for another licking a short time later and we sent them packing — again. (Today, the dear Brits are among our best friends. How many times have you completely reconciled with an enemy? Oh, that’s right, you have no “former” enemies: you just keep adding to the list.)

Only a few years later we discovered we had become our own worst enemy.

We were forced to repent of the sin of slavery.

Our passion for liberty and justice was again costly. The family feud turned to Civil War, brother against brother, and 600,000 died during those four years. Many thought America was committing suicide. Few thought we would survive. We not only survived, we thrived, despite a shameful reconstruction period leaving Blacks in circumstances not far removed from slavery. So, for the next 140 years we struggled to make things right, and we continue to work toward the highest goals of full justice and liberty.

We do the right thing not because some thug threatens us with a gun or a roadside bomb. We do the right thing because we’ve been taught (and we believe) life is all about forgiveness and fairness and tolerance and healing and reconciliation and moving onward and upward. Too bad you don’t get that, yet.

Back to more lessons from history.

Before and after the Civil War, the Spanish and the Mexicans and others got the idea we were ripe for the plucking but they learned it’s not profitable to provoke Lady Liberty.

After this, the Kaiser found out the Yanks were coming, and the European family feud was finally settled thanks to the City on a Hill.

In short order the Fuehrer and the Emperor thought they’d take over the world, and they very nearly pulled it off. They didn’t expect the Allies inspired by U.S. farm boys and city slickers would stand in their way and bring them to their knees.

After WWII we thought we had finally secured the peace.

We went on to rebuild Europe and Japan and other countries, again reconciling with former enemies, even helping them. We worked hard at home simultaneously to secure a promising future for our children. Almost immediately however we were confronted by another drooling tyrant, the Soviet Empire.

And so for 40 years we fought them around the world, sometimes in Hot Wars, but always in the Cold War. I don’t need to tell you how we disappointed Russian ambitions, and as in WWII, we liberated millions of oppressed people in the process.

We didn’t go looking for these fights during the last 230 years. We didn’t seek this one with you. But the result will be the same. We’ve faced worse than you, and you deserve no better than was delivered to our former adversaries. After you there will be another enemy of freedom lined up to challenge the forces of goodness, but they’ll get what they deserve as well.

We’ve taken it on the chin from you chaps for 30 years. We won’t take it any more. You may think the game has changed. Unlike your honorable ancestors riding the deserts of Africa, real warriors and the finest horsemen the world has ever seen, you hide and kill women and children, believing you can overcome us psychologically. Justice demands murderers like you pay the price, eventually. And you think that employing WMD will deliver victory.

Now that you’ve provoked the entire European community, helping us prove our point about your nature, for all the world to see, the Western powers may be forced to use the big hammer should you continue your murderous ways. Since you show no signs of relenting (indeed you escalate) it is likely you’ll kiss the big hammer sooner rather than later.

Yet our strength does not reside in the big hammer.

You know what our real strength is?

We love the God of love, and since He loves the little guy, we also love the little guy. You, on the other hand, murder the little guy.

This is precisely why, in the end, we will prevail, and you will suffer, not because we are cruel, but because you are so misguided.

Don’t say you were never warned.

Sincerely,

Uncle Sam

(c) 2006 Allan Erickson